The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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