Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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