I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
