That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
