dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
