Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
