But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
