dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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