I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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