Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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