I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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