I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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