When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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