The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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