You're my little dorito
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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