either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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