i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
