There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
