I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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