It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
