dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
