I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
