everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
