spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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