You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
