I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
