You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
