His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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