the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
