You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
