just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
