shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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