I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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