i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
