You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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