that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
