so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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