And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
