i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
