I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
