so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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