He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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