Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
