I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
