Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
