My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
