Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
