K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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