the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
