I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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