Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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