You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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