I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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