This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
