fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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