This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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