Don't make out with my wife yet
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
3 2 1 whiskey
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
