No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
