D3 body, D1 cock
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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