I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
