Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
