I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
