She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
