Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
