Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Plan B is the new Plan A
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize