there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
