He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
