Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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