I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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