I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just want nice things and good sex
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
