Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
