Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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